The Spider Anniversary
by Silver Sniper
Summary: Sometime during the commercial breaksor something, most eventually all of the Spiders come together to throw a party on the day when the organization was first formed. Chapter 9: An intermission with Feitan as he battles toothpaste.
1. Chapter One

HunterXHunter © Yoshihiro Togashi

Other materials also do not belong to me. You're smart enough to pick them out, ne?

Note: Uh, the names… so many variations of some, so forgive if spelt wrong what-so-not… The characters may be a tad off character also, but not by too much I hope…

* * *

Chapter One

* * *

"And a happy anniversary to all of us!" Sharlnark announced, happily raising his cup, only to find his fellow members were doing nothing than staring at him. "Oh, come on guys!"

Everyone else followed his example and all clinked their cups together, taking a quick sip of their drink after.

The seven of them, meaning Sharlnark, Feitan, Shizuku, Machi, Phinx, Franklin, and Kurotopi, were all gathered around in some abandoned warehouse somewhere in York Shin. Nobunaga had the flu, Kuroro was doing something, Ubogin's dead as you know, and so was Pakunoda. Don't ask me how or when they even found the time to have a celebration of the day the Spider organization was formed, because there must be some free time during the commercial breaks and every time a new chapter is added or whatsonot…

Silence…

"Come on, guys! Enjoy yourselves!" Sharlnark supplied, hoping to receive some kind of positive reaction.

"And how, exactly, are we suppose to enjoy ourselves?" Kurotopi asked as the rest stared in Sharlnark's direction. There was more silence for a while, before he finally sighed shaking his head.

"You guys haven't had any fun in a while, have you?" he questioned, still shaking his head.

"Torturing people is always… fun…" Feitan replied, a but hesitant towards that particular word.

"So is killing," Phinx added as Franklin nodded in agreement.

"And reading," Shizuku said also, nodding her head.

"And sewing," said Machi.

"That's not what I meant!" Sharlnark sighed as he poured each of them more water, seeing getting drunk wasn't a very good thing… "Haven't you guys ever been to sleepovers and played those little games that are always played?"

"Sleep…over…?" questioned Kurotopi, utterly clueless.

"…" was Feitan's reply to the question.

"Never really heard of such thing," answered Phinx.

"I might of, but I don't remember…" replied Shizuku, shrugging.

"All the kids in my hometown were all idiotic boys," spat Machi, shuddering at the thought.

"Aww! You guys are so clueless!" Sharlnark sighed, face expression something like this: TT;;

"?" was everyone else's.

"Okay, here's what we're going to do," Sharlnark began, taking out some paper and pencils. "Hey, Feitan, can I borrow that bandana?" he added as Feitan reluctantly handed over his bandana, which Sharlnark quickly tied into a bag-like thing.

"Now," he continued, handing everyone a piece of paper and a pencil. "We are going to play a little game called, uh… I forget…" Sharlnark confessed as everyone sighed. "But the rules are these: tear the paper into fourths, and on each of them, write a question the rest of us are suppose to answer!"

"And is we don't want to play?" inquired Machi, completely popping Sharlnark's bubble.

"Well… it's mandatory!" Sharlnark replied rather quickly.

"You aren't our boss. We're only suppose to do what the boss commands," supplied Shizuku as Sharlnark looked as if his happiness had just been shattered.

"Yeah, but our Danchou is who knows where…" sighed Franklin as Sharlnark got another brilliant idea.

"Then let's vote on one!" Sharlnark decided. The rest of then looked at him like he was a psycho Care Bear or something… if they even knew about Care Bears…

"I vote for myself!" Phinx said immediately, quickly followed by everyone voting for himself or herself also. Sharlnark, A.K.A. the seemingly party host, now looked like this: -.-;; Let's all take a minute to pity the poor person… okay, that's long enough…

"Okay, okay, why don't we just vote for a temporary one, and you can't vote for yourself. Besides, it's just for tonight, and we can settle this when Nobunaga gets better, and-"

"I vote for Franklin!" Shizuku piped up before Sharlnark had even finished, making the poor boy feeling very dejected.

"I vote for Shizuku," Franklin said.

"Feitan."

"Phinx."

Everyone was now looking at Machi and Kurotopi, the only ones undecided. (Except for the poor weeping person in the corner) Patiently, they waited for an answer, but none came. Finally, it was Machi who had decided first.

"Okay, okay, I vote for Shizuku, only because I don't want a boy in charge for the night," she said, though a thought at the back of her mind told her that one, that Shizuku will loose, and two, that this was absolutely stupid and why wasn't she already out of the door?

"I vote for Sharlnark," said Kurotopi with a shrug. He (though 'his' seiyuu sounds like a girl) didn't really care, so might as well vote for someone that hadn't received any.

"Okay, so each of us has one vote, except for Machi and Kurotopi, who have zero, and Shizuku, who has two… so by fair means, I suppose-" however, our favorite little blue-haired friend was cut off by none other than the guy weeping in the corner…

"Wait, Feitan!"

"You dare cut me off when I'm talking?" Feitan inquired Sharlnark with a glare.

"I mean, I vote f or you!" Sharlnark quickly replied, placing them in a tie.

"Well, it seems to be a tie between Feitan and Shizuku," Franklin responded, pointing out the very obvious. Everyone nodded. "So who's going to have control over this matter?"

Silence. Everyone just looked at Feitan and Shizuku, who were looking at each other.

"Why don't we… toss a coin?" suggested Shizuku as everyone nodded in agreement. Kurotopi took out a coin.

"Okay, call," Kurotopi told them/ Feitan looked at Shizuku, signaling her to go first.

"Um, heads?"

"Then it's tails for me…"

"Okay," Kurotopi said simply as he tossed the coin, quickly snatched it, and then revealed the results. "Feitan wins."


	2. Chapter Two

* * *

Chapter Two

* * *

"Feitan wins." 

Silence, once again…

"So, Feitan, boss of the evening, are we going to play, or what?" Sharlnark asked him, twiddling the pencil in his hand.

"…I suppose it's better than just sitting around…" Feitan shrugged, taking perch on a window ledge and preceded to write down his questions, much to everyone's thought.

"H-He… agreed!" Phinx stuttered, utterly stunned that his comrade had actually agree to one of Sharlnark's little games. However, he was fairly judged the boss of the night, so even though it was stupid, he didn't have much of a choice. Neither did anyone else.

"Oh, and one more thing, everyone MUST answer the question, okay? No exception, none at all." Sharlnark added as he collected and slipped everyone's questions into the little bag-like thing he made with Feitan's bandana.

Everyone nodded and sat around the bag-thing in a circle, signaling the game to begin.

"Okay, Feitan, you can pick first," Sharlnark said, motioning him to pick a question. Feitan obliged, reaching his hand in and picking a question.

"…"

"Feitan?" Franklin inquired, looking at the small figure, who was staring blankly at the question.

"23,on the floor, raped by…one of my victims…" Feitan replied darkly, a tense look locked into his eyes.

"…Uh, care to read the question?" Phinx told him and Feitan sighed.

"How old, where, and by whom did you loose your virginity to," Feitan said. He had no clue why he even answered… "You're next, Phinx. We're going around the circle."

"Fine, but I can't believe _you _agreed to this whole thing…" Taking a sigh, Phinx continued. "Let's see… 13, a mummy, in a tomb."

Everyone just gaped at him.

"Okay, okay, I'm joking, but it's… confidential… if I tell you guys, I'd probably die," Phinx explained to them, earning him a gasped from Shizuku.

"You mean th-that… you did that chain-person!" she gasped as the others eyes all went bouncy-bouncy. Phinx just looked shocked.

"No, you idiot!" he spat. "I was joking again! I'm… a virgin…" he confessed as he rubbed his eyes. Boy did that take forever to come out…

"Wow… and I didn't want to think I was the only one…" nodded Shizuku.

"I'm a virgin also," said Kurotopi simply. Machi nodded in agreement, and so did Franklin and Sharlnark.

"So, I guess you're the only one, Feitan, congrats!" Sharlnark told his little friend, giving him a pat on the back, earning him a glare, which he pretended not to have noticed. "But really, how could you get raped by your own victim? Wouldn't that make _you_ the-"

"Okay, that's enough, Sharlnark," Phinx told him sternly as he reached in and picked out a piece of paper. "Hmm… What's your favorite animal, Shizuku."

"Wait, you mean your favorite animal is Shizuku?" questioned Kurotopi, pointing at the seemingly innocent girl.

"Oh, we weren't supposed to sign them?" Shizuku said, completely oblivious. Everyone sighed and ignored her.

"My favorite animal… hmm… a jackrabbit , don't ask."

"Mine's a harbor seal," answered Shizuku.

"…A crane," said Kurotopi, which was completely out of the blue, but no one really cared.

"I like the Amazon Dolphin," replied Machi.

"And I like leeches." No one even wanted to question Franklin about that.

"I, for one, like the Duckbilled Platypus because even though it's-" But once again, Sharlnark was interrupted.

"Foxes. Shizuku, pick the next question," Feitan said, sparing them all a long and boring lecture on an animal they had absolutely no interest in.

"Hmm…" Shizuku wondered out loud as she looked at the questioned she picked. "If you were to marry one person in here, who would he or she be?" Shizuku looked up and thought about the whole thing while everyone else began running their brains also. "Well, probably… Sharlnark because I guess he'd be able to take care of financial aids and all that stuff, not to mention he's probably the more… normal out of all you guys, no offence!" Shizuku finished, glasses nearly falling out from the frantic wavering of her hands at the end of the answer.

"Gee, I feel special," Sharlnark said, half sarcastically, half embarrassed.

"It said 'if'. 'If' I didn't, I won't even have thought twice about walking down the isle with you," Shizuku explained blankly to him, making Sharlnark once again miserable, (only for a second or two though) and earning some chuckles in the group.

"Well…" Kurotopi began as everyone looked in his direction, only to find two of him. "I would marry myself," he shrugged, gesturing towards his clone. (Let's all pretend he can actually do that for now, ne?)

"Ah, escaping the question, but I guess it's fine if you didn't want to tell…" Machi sighed. "Personally, I'd have to choose Phinx, because he's probably the more normal among all of you guys, save Sharlnark, but there is no way I want to listen to him lecture on every single thing every single day, but it's if I didn't have any other choice," she finished, looking at Franklin.

"Uh… I guess Machi… Shizuku's more of a… little sister figure…" he said. "But it is 'if'."

"And I would take Shizuku, because she actually listens to my lectures unlike most of you," Sharlnark replied.

"Machi. Shizuku's eleven years younger than me, and it's not like I want to marry anyone else other than girls…"

"Machi, she's prettier, no offence, Shizuku!"

Everyone then simultaneously sighed, glad that that round was now complete. How they managed to do it is still a mystery, but since they known each other so long, it probably wasn't very hard to simulate, ne?

"Too bad… too bad some of them couldn't make it," Machi sighed, gaze shifted to the painless window. Everyone nodded in agreement as they peered out the window also. It would have been more fun if all of them could have made it this far…


	3. Chapter Three

* * *

Chapter Three

* * *

"It would somehow seem more… complete," Machi sighed. "Reminds me of the time we first formed…"

"Yeah, we were… different at that time," Phinx said as they all again, simultaneously sighed.

"No, tell me about it. I wasn't there from the beginning," Shizuku asked politely as grim smiles crept across all their faces. It was the best of their days then, but it wasn't a step off of living hell…

"Well, I remember something rather amusing…" Sharlnark began, smiling like a maniac. "Danchou gave us a test to compare our abilities…"

"No, not _that_ story!" Machi growled, clearly disturbed by the topic.

"You shouldn't worry, Machi. You didn't do the worst," Feitan told her with a shrug as he tied back his bandana.

"No, he just loves bragging about it," Machi spat as Sharlnark gingerly grinned, much to her despise.

"Yeah, I remember him ranting on it two weeks after we finished," Franklin added. "He'll probably twist all the parts to put himself in the limelight."

"No I won't!" Sharlnark said, but they could all tell he was lying. "Fine, then someone else tell it, and I'll correct you if you're wrong."

Machi shook her head. "Fine then, I'll tell it… Well, it's something like this…"

* * *

"But first," Kuroro said, catching everyone's attention. "A test… a _written_ test."

Most of the looks on the spiders depicted nothing other than shock, except Sharlnark, who seemed both shocked and pleased. Others like Ubogin looked as if he had never even heard the word 'written' in his whole entire life. Needless to say, the Spider's were fairly surprised, but did they dare question the Danchou's intentions? Nah!

* * *

"Wait!" Sharlnark interrupted, not too surprising to most of them. "I wasn't shocked!"

"It doesn't matter, as long as it's not a major flaw," Machi snapped.

* * *

"Okay, first question…" Machi sighed as she twiddled the pencil in her hands as she looked disdainfully at the question: _There is an enemy exactly 67.9 kilometers away from you. If the enemy is approaching at a speed of 87.4 kilometers per hour, his speed decreasing at a rate of .967 kilometers per half hour He throws a knife at you on top of an 18.6 ft. tree when he has covered 22/23 of his distance, flying at a 37 degrees angle. Approximately how effective would this attack be, comparing all the factors listed?_

Machi took one glance at the numbers, didn't even bother working it out, and wrote: _The attack would be canceled seeing that during that time, I could have one, moved, two, invaded that attack, and three, killed the person._

She sighed, as all of the questions looked seemingly exactly like the first one. Bored and tired, she gazed over at Sharlnark's direction, who was on her right, only to find him scribbling madly on his test. She then looked over at Feitan, who was on her left, only to find him scribbling madly on his test like Sharlnark, whom he's probably cheating off of. She sighed again. It was boring, very, very bor-

* * *

"Wait, you were cheating off of me, Feitan?" Sharlnark inquired, looking over at Feitan, who had once again taken perch on that window ledge.

"With my speed and you obliviousness to the whole thing, it was just like baking a cake," Feitan replied with a shrug.

"So it was really hard?" Kurotopi asked. "I mean, you don't seem like the type to bake cakes…"

"Poison ones are… very delicious…" he replied with a wicked grin. Everyone sort of just scooted away from him, afraid that he might just suddenly jump off the ledge and then well… stuff their mouths with poison cakes… ANYHOW!

* * *

"Okay! Test over!" Kuroro said simply, clapping his hands as everyone groaned and set down their tests. Most of them hadn't finished; some of them had ripped up their test to shreds and was now blankly looking at the torn fragment, and very few, like Feitan, Machi, and Sharlnark were actually done.

"Now, it wasn't that hard, was it?" he asked with a genuine smile.

"Yes, it was!" Ubogin complained looking rather grim. "I couldn't even READ the stupid questions!"

* * *

"Wait, Ubogin does _no_t know the word 'read'!"

"Sharlnark, _stop interrupting_!"

* * *

"Well, judging by these test, I think only Machi, Feitan, and Sharlnark past…" Kuroro sighed as he quickly scanned through the tests. "Though Machi, your answers are rather… queer…"

* * *

"Oh, I forgot, what _did_ you-"

"AS I WAS SAYING…"

* * *

"Well, it seems that Sharlnark got the best score on this," Kuroro said. "And since it's impossible to do anything without proper knowledge, I order everyone to kill that menacing know-it-all, and-"

* * *

"HEY! I _know_ that is not how it went!" Sharlnark interrupted as everyone just sort of snickered.

"Yeah, I know too, but I'm trying to give you as little credit as possible," Machi shrugged.

"Okay, _I'm_ telling it from here!" Sharlnark spat.

"No, it's still _my_ story!" Machi returned as they glared daggers at each other. Everyone else just sort of inched away from the two, afraid that they may be caught in the storm of sharp-sharp things.

"Why don't _I_ tell the story?" Franklin asked.

* * *

"So that's done with, onto the next written test," Kuroro said as everyone graoned as some began banging their heads against something solid. "But first, find a partner."

Nobunaga obviously went with Ubogin, Franklin ended up with Sharlnark, Phinx went with Feitan, Pakunoda with Machi, and the other four random people whom I have no clue are, somehow paired up, enough said.

* * *

"Wait, I thought I went with-"

"Shut up and stop interrupting!"

* * *

"Now," Kuroro said calmly as a stack of questions went around. "You will have to answer the questions on the sheet according to what you think the answer on your partner's sheet is. Then, once you're done, switch, and see if you got it right or wrong, questions?"

Machi raised her hand. "What does this have to do with anything?"

"Well, for one, it establishes connection within the organization, because if you know nothing of the people you're working with, it's rather hard to keep things in order. It is also very important in battle. If you don't know what the other's strength and weaknesses are, it's likely that you will all be wiped out against a chaotic force-"

* * *

"Didn't _I_ say that, not Dan-"

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

"Favorite color, I put red?" Phinx asked Feitan who nodded.

"And I put sand?" Feitan replied as Phinx nodded.

* * *

"I didn't put sand, I put chro-"

"FOR CRYING OUT, SHARL-"

"I'm _Feitan_," Feitan corrected as Machi settled down, embarrassed at her outbreak against the wrong person.

* * *

"Your Nen type is… Emission," Sharlnark concluded as Franklin nodded.

"And I have no idea what yours is," Franklin confessed.

"Well, it's obviously…"

* * *

"So anyways," Franklin went on. "Skipping Sharl's boring explanation-"

"It is NOT boring!" Sharlnark pouted, 'hmph!'-ing at the lot of them

"He really had you do that?" Shizuku asked. "It sounds kind of neat…"

"It was, in a way… he put down the most embarrassing questions though," Phinx told her.

"Like 'did you ever wet your bed when you were little'," Feitan explained. "I think he was doing it more for his pleasure at seeing our bewildered expressions rather than actually getting us acquainted and such."

"Yeah, I thought it was rather strange that he asked us would we rather marry someone of the same gender, or opposite gender," Machi sighed, shaking his head.

"Hey! I got a great idea!" Sharlnark interrupted them. "Why don't we-"

"You want to redo the test here and now?" guessed Kurotopi.

"Um, well… yeah! I remember all of the questions!"

"Hey, why not? Like I'd rather spend the whole time being interrupted by Sharl…" sighed Machi as everyone else agreed.


	4. Chapter Four

* * *

Chapter Four

* * *

"Okay!" Sharlnark proudly announced as he finished copying all seven pieces of questions. "But we have an uneven number…" 

"We could… just pair up, and then the person left over, we could all do together!" Shizuku happily suggested. Then a murmur erupted on who that person should be. Eventually, everyone turned to Feitan.

"Well, temporary Danchou, who's the lucky person?" Sharlnark inquired with a smile as the rest of them turned to Feitan with a questioning look. The small figure closed his eyes as he thought, and then eventually opened them.

"Besides me, the person you guys probably know least about is… Kurotopi," Feitan replied, pointing to the blue-haired figure. "I'll go with Machi, Franklin can go with Shizuku, and Phinx, you can go with Sharl because I said so," Feitan finished.

"Hey! Why do I get special treatment!" Phinx grumbled as he teamed up with a happy-happy Sharlnark with a piece of paper and pencil in his hands.

"Oh, and Kurotopi," Feitan said to the figure, motioning him to come closer, and then whispering something in his ear. A short nod came from the figure as he bounded out the window and disappeared into the night.

"Hey! You better not have told him to go home!" Sharlnark told Feitan, who just shrugged.

"No, I didn't," Feitan said shortly as he jumped off his favorite ledge and landed next to Machi. "You can go first," he told her as he scanned his sheet, which was all neatly written in Sharlnark's neat handwriting.

"Okay. Well, your name's Feitan, you don't have a last name that you know of, you're twenty-eight, you're favorite color is uh… black, you're favorite food is…. hey, do you even eat? And…"

With Franklin and Shizuku…

"Wow, you know more about me than I do!" Shizuku said, absolutely shocked.

"Might that have anything to do with the fact that you told the whole Ryodan the very first day you were here?" Franklin asked.

"Really?" I don't remember…

Franklin: -.-;;

With Phinx and Sharlnark…

"And seeing that you are a rather rash and simple minded individual with no other source of power than your physical strength, I have concluded that you are from…"

"I'll kill you for this, Feitan!"

* * *

"Now, wasn't that fun?" Sharlnark asked the group. No one said a word. "Oh, fine! Hey, Feitan, where's Kurotopi?" 

"Out to get something…" Feitan simply shrugged.

Machi's eyes narrowed as Feitan mentioned 'something'. "What is it?"

"…Something…" Feitan replied, a bit hesitant to give the information.

"Tell us!" Phinx commanded. Now our little 'Fei-kun' wouldn't _dare_ refuse a direct order from his best buddy in the whole world, would he?

"…I sent him to the store to buy… something…" Feitan replied, still reluctant to answer.

"_TELL US_!" everyone demanded.

"I… can't?"

"Hey! I've got a GREAT idea!" Sharlnark interrupted suddenly. Everyone knew this meant another game. Just wonderful… yay…

"Are we allowed to guess?" Sharlnark asked Feitan, who slowly nodded. "Okay, let's play twenty questions then!"

"What's that?" Shizuku asked as everyone else looked at Sharlnark for an explanation.

"Oh, it's when you ask yes or no questions, and when you think you know it, you guess! And if you're wrong, you're out, and the rest continue, so you have to choose when to guess. Oh, and you only can ask twenty questions, and if we don't guess it after that, well…" Sharlnark trailed out as he dug into his pocket and took out twenty thousand zennies (or however you spell it) "Feitan keeps the cash! But if one of use gets it before the twenty questions, the person who guessed it right get to keep it, clear?"

A murmur of 'yeah' and 'uh-huh' erupted from the rest of the members as they sat once again in a circle. Franklin went first.

"Is it something edible?" he asked.

"…It… depends…" Feitan answered uncertainly.

"Only yes or no, Fei-Fei!" Sharlnark said happily as Feitan twitched.

"Don't. Call. Me. That. I. Will. Answer. In. Any. Way. **_I_**. Want!" Feitan retorted as Sharlnark quickly scooted as far as possible away from Feitan.

"Okay, okay, settle down children!" Machi snorted sarcastically. "Is it a fruit?

"No."

It was Phinx turn. "Is it a vegetable?

"Is it big?" Shizuku asked.

"Not really…"

"Does it have anything to do with your stomach and intestines and such?"

"…Yes, and no, and… wait, what item are we doing? I told Kurotopi to pick up twelve different things!" Feitan said, shaking his head as everyone sighed.

"Uh, then… do the last thing you told him to buy!" Sharlnark said, shaking his head as well.

"Fine," Feitan said.

"Okay, is it edible?" Sharlnark started.

"No."

"Is it hard?" Franklin asked.

"I guess… sort of."

"Is it something us Ryodan would usually buy if we went to the store?" Machi asked, even though hardly any of them did go to the store.

"…For the ladies, yes…" Feitan said simply.

"It's cosmetics!" Phinx said triumphantly.

"No, you're out," Feitan replied as Phinx 's triumphant pose quickly disintegrated into a sorry blob of goo.

"Uh, does it go in the aisle with all the baby diapers and such?" Shizuku asked as Machi let out a big gasped, covering her mouth with her hands, he cheeks a blazing red. Everyone now realized that Machi must have known what it was.

"…Yes…?" Feitan answered, suddenly a bit afraid of Machi and now Shizuku's reaction.

"Is it diapers?" Sharlnark asked.

"No."

"Is it baby food?" Franklin said uncertainly.

"No," Feitan answered in a small voice, for now it was Machi's turn…

Silence…

"YOU TOLD HIM TO BUY TAMPONS!"


	5. Chapter Five

Puff tissues © to… someone… definitions came from a dictionary...

* * *

Chapter Five

* * *

Kurotopi sighed as he gazed at the list of things Feitan had wanted him to buy. It just wasn't fair. Nope, not at all. Why should he be buying all this stiff with his own money, when Feitan is the one who wanted everything? Oh, yeah, because he was too nice for his own good, and Feitan was just… scary… 

"Hmm… let's see…" he mumbled as he scanned the list. "Trevor Brown, bubble gum, blah blah blah… blue/green hair dye? Feitan dyes his hair? Hmm… umbrellas, rice cakes, toothpaste? What kind of list is this? A live bunny? Why would Feitan want one of those? Oh, last thing, finally. Uh… tempof… tampos…tanpots… tunpons… tantons… uh, I'll go ask someone." Kurotopi sighed again as he shook his head and headed in the door.

"Vegetable isle, meat isle, dairy products… Okay, here we are, the hair product isle stuff…" Kurotopi said to himself as he wandered into that area. Peering at the list, he crossed the aisle, looking for the color specified by Feitan, only to find that it didn't exist.

Then Kurotopi realized the little star next to the item. It read: not available in regular stores. Go to York Shin beauty parlor at the corner of twenty-third and fourth and ask the attendant behind the desk for the bathroom and then follow her into the back area of the store… blah blah blah, it basically told Kurotopi to knock out the attendant and then steal the product from the highest shelves, etc. but Kurotopi was _not_ going to York Shin beauty parlor. No way, now how. Instead, he just took the blonde hair dye, threw it in the basket, went and got some blue/green paint, and he would just… conceal it! Yeah, great idea! Won't be pretty when Feitan wakes up one day and his hair is blonde… oh well!

"Okay, got everything, just need to get a bunny and a… uh… that thing," Kurotopi said as he crossed to the front of the store. No, of course Kurotopi wasn't going to pay! He's just going to ask that nice lady behind the counter what that thing was. Only the nice 'lady' behind the counter wasn't exactly a lady…

"...YOU!"

* * *

"Tampons… tampons… tampons…" Sharlnark muttered. He knew what it was, but it just wasn't coming. "Tampons… oh! Oh… _Oh_…" 

"Oh, oh, oh! Shut up!" Phinx mocked as he turned his attention to the girls. "What the heck are tampons!"

Machi inhaled sharply as Shizuku scowled. If any guy had any common sense, he'd know to shut up and apologize for asking. However, none of the Spider really had much common sense of the normal people, so, uh, yeah…

"Hey, I think I've heard of that stuff before…" Franklin said absent-mindedly. "It like, it has something to do with puberty or something… heard it when I killed that health teacher two years back," Franklin told them. "But what's puberty?

Silence. However, everyone was thinking of something, no doubt.

Machi: . Oh, those boys are going over the line!

Shizuku: ;-; What's puberty again?

Phinx: Yeesh! What's with these people!

Franklin: …Uh, why did I kill that health teacher again…?

Sharlnark: Feitan, tampons… Feitan Tampons… Feitan's a girl? Nah! Can't be… Then…

Feitan: I wrote Puff tissues! Or was it tissues Puff…? Who can't read the word 'tissues'! And what are tampons! And tissues are in the isle with all that baby stuff, right? Who can't… etc.

"Can I… explain?" Sharlnark asked. The boys nodded. The girls did nothing. "Well, that's a yes then! But Feitan… tampons?"

"I wrote 'Puff tissues', but I think I wrote it reversed. Besides, they ARE in that isle, right?"

"No, and anyhow, puberty is the stage of adolescence in which an individual becomes physiologically capable of sexual reproduction. In case of females, the breasts start developing around this time, and menstruation begins. About every month, blood gather in the uterus to cushion the egg that's releases, just in case the egg is fertilized. However, if the egg is not fertilized, and that's usually the case, the blood flows out through the vagina and tampons or pads are use to catch the fluid! However, in the case of males, they-"

"Okay, that's enough info, Sharlnark!" Machi hollered, hoping up and giving him a hard whack on the head along with Shizuku.

"No, not enough!" Phinx grumbled. "I have no clue what you're talking about! Explain it bet-"

"Phinx, you… don't want to know, trust me," Feitan told him, shaking his head. Of course, he got everything. I mean, he IS the master of pain and torture, so yeah, of course he has to know this stuff.

"I'm still curious, even though I have no clue what Sharl's talking about…" Franklin admitted.

"Well, the point is," Sharlnark said, dodging the blows thrown by the girls. "Feitan's not-"

"A girl?"

"Kurotopi!" every exclaimed as Kurotopi bounded back into the warehouse...


	6. Chapter Six

Jell-O © to the guys who owns it, and same with Pocky.

**_Chapter written during times of dire need of sleep.

* * *

_**

Chapter Six

* * *

"Where's my stuff?" asked Feitan immediately, anxious to get to most of them.

"Why did you ask me to buy tampons?" Kurotopi asked also.

"Where's my stuff?" Feitan repeated, slightly annoyed, embarrassed, and impatient at the whole situation.

"And hair dye, and a _bunny_?"

"Where's my stuff!"

"You dye your hair, Feitan?" Shizuku asked as if it were a normal question. Everyone awaited the answer also.

"I'm not the only one! How do you think my hair gets to greenish-blue?" Feitan inquired with a scowl. "And Machi's to purple and Kurotopi's to blue and Franklin's to green? We aren't just born with that color hair, you know," he finished as if it was the most natural answer in the world. But suppose it is though, I mean, I don't think people _are_ just born with some crazy hair color, though it would be cool… ANYHOW!

"Oh…" went Shizuku, Phinx, and Sharlnark, the only ones there that _supposedly_ didn't dye their hair. How they managed never to find one of those who did doing the dying in the bathroom must be an utter mystery…

Silence…

"My stuff?"

"Hey," Sharlnark interrupted suddenly, not to anyone's surprised for it was already expected sooner or later. "Why is this whole thing seemingly all focused on you? What about me? What about my explanation? What about-"

"You being quiet and stop eating candy. You're even more unpleasant when you're intoxicated with sugar," Machi sliced in, sighing at his stupidity.

More silence...

"Ahem… _My stuff_?" Feitan grunted, hoping someone would actually pay some attention to him.

"Oh, here," Kurotopi sighed as he tossed Feitan a shopping bag. Feitan immediately dug into its contents, not bothering to see what Kurotopi got, but straight to… ah… there it is… even though it shouldn't be…

"Hey, is that…" Franklin began, looking at the piece of paper Feitan was holding.

"A receipt?" Shizuku finished, twiddling her glasses as everyone gathered around.

"You actually paid for it? You _know_ Feitan is obsessed with stealing and thieves and bandits and you go and _pay_ for it!" Phinx questioned as Feitan narrowed his eyes (if they could even narrow even more…) and started pulling out objects that certainly wasn't what he asked for.

Everyone stared glued to the bag as Feitan pulled out even more random objects than the ones he asked for. First came the hair dye, purple, certainly not greenish-blue. Next came jumbo chocolate balls, jumbo chocolate balls deluxe, jumbo chocolate balls dark, jumbo chocolate balls white, jumbo chocolate balls strawberry, jumbo chocolate balls chocolate, and jumbo chocolate balls mint. After that came super jelly worms, jelly pops, jelly everything, and of course, Jell-o. Following that was Pocky, (a little cookie-stick covered with chocolate sauce, etc. It's one of the things that third examiner was eating) strawberry Pocky, chocolate Pocky, white Pocky, coconut Pocky, white coconut Pocky, chocolate orange Pocky, chocolate mousse Pocky, strawberry mousse Pocky, white mousse Pocky, almond crush Pocky, strawberry décor Pocky, chocolate décor Pocky, white décor Pocky, blah blah blah Pocky, the point is, there was _a lot_ of Pocky. _A LOT_.

"Wow, and I thought Sharlnark had a sweet tooth…" Machi mused as she picked up each of the boxes ad examining them. "But I guess you have an even bigger one, Feitan."

"And he _said_ he only bought twelve things… including tampons…" Phinx sighed, shaking his head. "What _are_ tampons! You never did say, Sharl."

"Didn't I say that you don't want to know?" Feitan hissed, tossing aside the items. "And didn't you get anything I put on the list!"

"I must have taken the wrong bag!" Kurotopi retorted. "I met that purple-haired Zoaldyck kid and everything got in a jumble!"

"I want to know!"

"Gimme the Pocky!"

"Shizuku, what are tampons?"

"MY STUFF!"

"Go get your own stuff!"

"What time is it?"

"CHILDREN!"

Silence…

"This is stupid, just sitting here discussing a subject so closely related to that one!" Machi hollered, sitting back with a heavy sigh. These people really were children, even if a lot of them were older than her. Acting so immature…

"But I want to know!" Phinx retorted, not paying heed to Machi the least. "And I'm not going to be satisfied until I DO know!"

"But if you _do_ know, you still won't be satisfied until you somehow get those dirty thoughts out of your head," Shizuku pointed out as Phinx started yanking at his hair.

"Grr!"

"Someone just tell us!" Franklin sighed, raising up his hands as if almost giving up. Machi wrinkled her nose in disapproval; Sharlnark was stuffing his face, Shizuku was cleaning her glasses with a 'boys are so stupid' look, Phinx was going to go bald soon if he didn't stop pulling, Kurotopi was slowly edging away from Feitan, and Feitan? He took the mistake of eating a jumbo chocolate ball deluxe and was now 'chocking' on the thing. Oh, poor chocolate ball… let's all take a moment to pity the thing… okay, that's enough…

"Can I?" Sharlnark begged, face covered with various smudges from all the chocolate he was eating in candy bliss.

Silence…

"Fine!" Machi huffed, Shizuku meekly nodding also. "But I'm getting a coffee," she finished as she got up, only to be pulled down by Phinx.

"No, you're staying here!" he scowled as Machi began tugging with no avail. Curse these people she must have thought then. The other's thoughts?

Machi: Stupid Phinx and his stupid grip and his stupid hairdo and his stupid voice and…

Shizuku: I feel excluded… everyone's so much older than me!

Sharlnark: I wonder if they have chocolate décor supreme Pocky…

Feitan: My hair-dye… My hair… My bunny… now what am I going to torture!

Kurotopi: Now we just slowly move away from Feitan… slowly… slowly…

Phinx: WHAT THE HECK ARE TAMPONS!

Franklin: This subject is getting old… we should be telling horror stories or something…

Silence…

"Anyhow!" Sharlnark began. "Everyone know what reproduction is?"

Everyone slowly nodded, signaling a 'yes', all except for poor Phinx and Franklin, the two who truly had no idea about the whole thing at all. They just sort of sat there with question marks exploding off of their heads.

"Uh… do you know what S-E-X is?" Sharlnark asked, slightly embarrassed that they, the Spider, where actually having such a conversation… except…

"Nope…" answered the two, shaking their heads. Talk about stupidity…

"Wait," Shizuku interrupted. "Phinx, you know what 'virginity' means, but not S-E-X?"

"So? A virgin is a guy who never went to a bed with a girl, and vice versa right?" Phinx said, clueless. Everyone just sort of looked at him like he was an idiot.

"Actually, a virgin is a person who never went through sexual intercourse," Sharlnark told Phinx, and Franklin too. Everyone else sort of stopped.

Silence…

"You said the word," Kurotopi mused. "You said the word…"

"Oh, come on!" Sharlnark grumbled. "You guys never took health class in school and watched 'the video' did you?"

"No," everyone answered, for they never went to school, except for Shizuku maybe, but she couldn't exactly remember any health classes…

"What's 'the video'?" Phinx questioned.

"What's S-E-X?" Franklin added. Everyone groaned.

"Um… how to explain…" Sharlnark sighed, shaking his head. This one was a toughie. One big blockhead, and one _really_ big blockhead… "Uh, you guys do know where babies come from, right?"

"The store?" Phinx answered, shrugging. Pitiful…

"I thought it was the mom's stomach, or something liked that… I think I saw part of 'the video' Sharl's talking about…" Franklin mused, thinking back towards that health teacher he assassinated.

"Really? Not the store?" Phinx gasped, TOTALLY surprised as if it was the first time anyone had ever said that to him. "But that's stupid!"

"Actually, it isn't," Sharlnark continued on. "Do you ever see any 'baby stores'? No! They come from within the female, true, the uterus technically, where the male's sperm fertilizes the egg and-"

"Wait, we come from eggs?" Phinx asked, blinking wilding in confusion.

"No, the-"

"Drop the subject, please!" Machi begged, clasping together her hands. And squeezing her eyes shut. "This is too disturbing!"

"No, and the egg is a _cell_, you do know what a _cell_ is, right?" Sharlnark explained, hopping that he would.

"Like the place Feitan puts his victims?"

"No! A cell is what makes up your body! You know, skin cells, bone cells, muscle cells, blah blah blah cells… get it?"

"…Huh?"

"Uh… why don't we… drop the subject?" Sharlnark suggested, Machi sighing with relief. "But if you really want to know, you can go rent 'the video'."

"So, now what do we do?" inquired Shizuku, again fiddling with her glasses.

Silence…

"Truth or dare!" and everyone groans…


	7. Chapter Seven

* * *

Chapter Seven

* * *

"Truth or dare?" questioned Shizuku with a slight frown. "But it's kind of childish, isn't it?"

"And stupid," added Machi.

"And a waste of time," Franklin finished. Poor Sharlnark, everyone just picking on him for no apparent reason I suppose.

"But… but…" Sharlnark stuttered, a bit disappointed that no one really appreciated him and his suggestions and thoughts, and explanations, and etc.

"It's only seven thirty!" he put up. "We've only been here for one and a half hours! Come on, please!"

"No," Machi, Shizuku, and Franklin chorused.

"But why?" Sharlnark spat unhappily, crossing his arms and putting on a frown. "What would you guys rather do?"

"I need a coffee…" Machi spat, shaking her head.

"Me too," second Shizuku, nodding her head in agreement.

"I don't care if it's coffee, as long as it's caffeine…" Phinx sighed, stretching.

Murmurs of agreement quickly arose, and everyone were soon making plans on how they were going to rob the nearest coffee shop or something, Sharl completely excluded from the conversation. They had decided that it was best to find one where their weren't much people, so they wouldn't likely be noticed, but…

"I don't want to _make_ coffee," Kurotopi protested. "And everyone else's coffee making skills are terrible!"

"How can there be coffee making skills? You just dump in the stuff, add water, and done. What's so hard about that?" Franklin asked, scratching his head in question. Kurotopi sighed.

"You have to _measure_ everything, including the sugar, the cream…"

"So? Just drink it plain then, a lot easier!" Franklin pointed out. Kurotopi sighed yet again.

"I agree with Kurotopi," Shizuku nodded, joining in their coffee discussion. "I don't drink my coffee plain, too bitter…"

"So dumping in a two cups of half-and-half and eight packets of sugar still counts as coffee?" Machi asked, raising an eyebrow at the embarrassed girl who was slightly blushing, a rare sight for a rather… blank person…

"Why don't we just go and buy some instead!" Sharlnark squeezed in, catching everyone's attention with 'the word'.

"Did you just say…" Phinx began.

"_Buy_!" Feitan roared in disbelief.

"Uh… yeah!" Sharlnark nodded happily, praying to someone that they wouldn't start beating him to pulp right then for saying such a thing.

Glare, glare, glare… and a REALLY big glare… (guess from who…)

Silence…

"Let's… forget coffee for right now…" Machi commented, breaking the tense silence that everyone just hated, but appeared so often among the lines. "Why don't we-"

"Play a game!" Sharlnark finished enthusiastically. Everyone pretty knew that was coming, so they didn't even bother to shut him off.

"Yeah, but I don't want to play your games, they're a bit stupid," Shizuku pointed out as Sharl flashed her a rather unpleasant frown. The girl, however, didn't see that, fortunately.

"Then who's _do_ we play?" Sharlnark questioned.

"Um…"

"Mine."

Silence…

"You play games, Feitan?" Phinx questioned the little figure that had just volunteered. Now there's something you don't see everyday: Feitan suggesting they 'play' something. Odd…

"It's called," Feitan began, ignoring his nagging friend. "Kill as many people as possible within one day."

More silence…

"Feitan, the whole York Shin population would be wiped by us if we were to do that, you know, seeing we could probably kill an average fifty people in a big crowd in about a minute, times the seven of us, then…" Sharlnark told him, crossing his arms. "And besides, what do we do with the corpses?"

"…"

"Exactly!" Sharlnark told them. "Now, do we play what I want, or-"

"I want to play M.A.S.H.!" Shizuku interrupted, putting up her hand, which a small stack of paper and a pen 'magically' appeared in. Now of course, there are many, many, many versions, but please, just bear it for a while, okay? Oh, and M.A.S.H. stands for mansion, apartment, shack, and house, what you live in, obviously!

"What's that?" inquired Phinx, examining Shizuku as she put the word M.A.S.H. on the top of the paper.

"Oh, it's sort of a girlish game we would play sometimes in school," Shizuku told him, thinking back towards middle school. "It's just like predicting your future, but it's just for fun, not accurate at all!"

"Better than Sharl's game I suppose," Franklin shrugged as everyone else nodded in agreement, all except Sharlnark, but no one was really caring about him right then.

"Okay, I'll explain as we go along," Shizuku told them. "Now, who wants to go first?"

Silence…

"Oh, I'll go!" Machi exclaimed as she broke the silence. The boys were still a bit big on that 'girlish' part. "But what version are you doing?"

"Um… Four choices, chosen by them," Shizuku told her, referring towards Feitan, Kurotopi, Franklin, and Phinx. Sharlnark was excluded, like before. Poor guy…

"But-" Machi began, obviously wanting to protests, but she wasn't given much of a chance to do so.

"Okay, you four, give me four ways you would like Machi to get around in," Shizuku told them, only to have them all blink in confusion.

"Uh… a bicycle… oh, I don't know!" Phinx began, shrugging.

"Okay," Shizuku replied, writing down the option the left margin.

"A… tricycle?" Franklin replied, equally as confused as Phinx.

"…Unicycle?" offered Kurotopi, utterly clueless as well.

"Bicycle with training wheels?" Feitan murmured, not really caring. Machi slapped her forehead. Three idiots and one big idiot to go. Perfect.

"Hmm… okay!" Shizuku said, recording all of this down on paper. "Now, four people Machi should marry."

"M-marry?" stuttered Phinx. "As in all that big cake stuff and the long white dress thing?"

"Yeah."

"And-"

"Hisoka," Kurotopi interrupted the lot of them, knowing that he would probably pay for it later, but who really had time to think?

"Uh… Feitan!" Phinx called, pointing to the figure that immediately shot him a death glare.

"Phinx," Feitan returned, flipping a page while at it. Of course, Phinx didn't really care, because to him, 'marry' meant that you just lived in the same house, which technically, he already did with the rest of the Ryodan, if it actually counted as a house…

"Hmm… Nobunaga?" Franklin offered, nothing else really popping into his mind.

"Uh… okay!" Shizuku told them, putting the letters B, M, and S right under the four names. Obviously they stood for big, medium, and small, referring towards money, not that any member or the Ryodan would ever be broke or anything, but that's beside the point! ANYHOW! After that, she then put the numbers 0-5 on the bottom, them standing for number of children.

"Now, four places Machi would live."

"Antarctica!" Phinx immediately answered. Yet another one of his jokes.

"Sewer," Feitan replied, not really thinking at all. It just happened to be the theme of a picture he was looking at.

"Here?" Kurotopi supplied. Hey, better than the last two!

"Uh… home?" Franklin suggested. Now we're all smart enough to know where their home was, right?

"Okay!" Shizuku stated as she finished her last letter. She then drew a circle in the middle. "Okay, tell me when to stop!" she informed them as she started putting little dots in the circle.

"Stop!" Machi ordered as Shizuku stopped, counted the dots, and started going around in a circle, crossing out the choice that she lands on. Eventually…

"Okay, done!" Shizuku triumphantly stated, but then looked quizzically stared at the results, shrugging it off eventually. "Okay, let's see… You'll live in a shack in Antarctica married to Hisoka with little money and five children, riding a bicycle with training wheels."

Silence…

"I… I…" Machi grumbled, sinking to her knees. "That is just _wrong_!"

"Oh, I don't know…" Sharlnark said, trying to squeeze himself in. "The Hisoka part may not be that unrealistic, you- hey… I already have enough bruises, you know!"

"Hahaha…" Machi replied unenthusiastically, having just given Sharl a good whack. "Can we do something else!"

"But this is quite amusing…" Feitan mused, flipping to the last page, then setting down his book.

Stunned silence… (Yeah, more than one kind of silence, tehehe…)

"…What?" Feitan demanded, looking at everyone's surprised faces staring at him in amazement.

"Feitan, are you… feeling okay?" Kurotopi inquired. The Feitan they knew did NOT say things like that, NEVER.

"I'm perfectly fine," Feitan replied with a sneer, as if that was the most ridiculous question ever invented. Of course he felt fine. In fact he felt as great as he could be! Wohoo…

"…Did something happen…?" Phinx asked. Feitan flinched. Oh, how did that guy always know?

"No," Tsk, tsk, tsk… acting just like a little boy afraid of being caught for a wrongdoing.

"Okay, spill, which of these did you eat?" Sharlnark asked, pointing to several empty boxes once filled with sweets and cookies.

"I didn't eat any!"

"Feitan eats chocolate?"

"Hey! I liked that stuff, you ate ALL of it? What about me? What about my feelings? What about-"

"Hmm… Feitan, chocolate… hyperactive? Scary…"

"I need coffee again! Someone make some!"

"I SAID I wasn't making any coffee!"

"GUYS!"

Silence…

"…You made me write on myself…"


	8. Chapter Eight

* * *

Chapter Eight

* * *

Protests and exchanges of comments were being tossed between the members of the Brigade like there was no tomorrow. Everyone was arguing with someone about something, and it didn't exactly look like some coin tosses would really solve these disputes.

"No! I hate tea! I said coffee! I-"

"I still want my stuff! You, go buy my stuff!"

"Hey! Hello people, ME! Hello! What about my feelings? Everyone, why-"

"I want alcohol!"

"Really! Hey! Everyone, listen to me!"

"I can't believe we're arguing like this, wonder what Danchou would think of his so called 'Spider's'?"

"Oh! The itsy bitsy spider, went up the waterspout…"

Silence…

"Down came the rain, and washed the spider out…"

More silence…

"…O-out c-came the sun… why is everyone staring at me?"

Even more silence…

"What? I like that song, that should be our theme song!"

Everyone just inched away from Shizuku, obviously more afraid of that song than even the chained and dangerous Kurapica. Of course, who wouldn't? I mean, even a Spider actually singing is a rare and peculiar site, so you can just imagine…

"Someone get drinks!"

* * *

So while Phinx, Franklin, and Feitan were busy ransacking nearby liquor stores, and yes STORES, Sharl, Machi, Shizuku, and Kurotopi were planning something 'fun' to do, and that eventually resulted in…

"Well, there was this kid I sort of liked when I was nine…" Shizuku mused as she leaned up against a metal crate. "He was seventeen I think…"

"You were nine and he was _seventeen_?" Machi inquired, raising and eyebrow at the girl, who just sighed. Ironic, isn't it? But I guess that isn't too surprising seeing that in other countries, the men did have a tendency to choose young… uh, girlfriends!

"How did you even manage to see him?" Sharl asked, very intrigued by Shizuku's life-story. And yes, they're telling their life stories. Boredom does take its toll.

"Well, I was walking home one day when it started to pour really hard. Anyhow, I was sniffling and running when suddenly the guy from behind throws and umbrella at my side and walks off. He didn't say anything, and he just sort of disappeared really fast, but I still got a look at his face… He was really nice though."

"Wow…" Kurotopi said, completely unimpressed by the looks of it. OBVIOUSLY he had never cared much for a love life or anything romantic whatsoever.

"Wait, how did you know he was seventeen? Unless you knew him or something…" Sharlnark asked curiously. I mean there is no one hundred percent guarantee that you could tell the person's age by just looking, unless you have some kind of Nen-technique that allows it.

"Hmm? Oh, because it was Feitan…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I was joking," Shizuku answered blankly, obviously not good at cracking jokes. The others sighed in relief. It was rather strange and… well, psycho to say something like THAT!

"Heh, and I believed you for a moment there…" Machi answered, shaking her head as she sat down on a wooden crate. "The day Feitan's 'nice' would be when the next Apocalypse would occur."

And that's the moment the three alliterating trio decided to come back, right on cue! (See, Feitan's name begins with and 'F', and so does Franklin's, and Phinx begins with 'Ph', which sounds like 'F'. And now you know the most idiotic thing you ever needed to know…)

"What was that about Fei being 'nice'?" Phinx asked as he placed down several bottles of possibly the strongest stuff made on earth that won't technically kill you with one sip.

"Yeah, what was that about Feitan?" Franklin added, placing more of the stongest stuff made on earth that technically won't kill you with one sip.

"Me? 'Nice'? That's absurd!" Feitan scoffed as he laid down well… nothing! "I did the killing."

"Oh," answered those who were seeing the lack of his things to carry.

"Yeah, we were afraid he'd break something 'delicate of his' under the weight," Phinx snickered. "So we tossed his stuff to someone else." The others stared at Phinx in confusion, all eyes asking the same thing.

"Well, he happened to be in town, and we did bump into him… and he _was_ a former member…" Franklin started as he avoided their stares, especially one…

"I don't like where this is going," Machi stated simply, crossing her arms as her aura blazed around crazily.

"Please don't tell me you guys brought Hisoka…" Kurotopi sighed, asking the same thing everyone else was probably wondering.

"…We brought Hisoka," Franklin confirmed as everyone stared at the three.

"And we got Nobunaga up and running!" Phinx added, hoping that would help. It didn't. It really didn't.

Silence…


	9. Chapter Nine and Intermission

* * *

Chapter Nine/ Intermission

* * *

"Yo…" Nobunaga sniffed as he sneezed into a tissue he had brought. The flu wasn't exactly the worst thing that's ever happened to him, but it certainly wasn't the best. Still, he couldn't resist all those shiny bottles when Phinx, Feitan, and Franklin went a-knocking. Hisoka? He had just tagged along, completely against the wishes of the three he was stalking. It went something like Hisoka whipping out a pack of cards and suddenly everyone was nice to one another. Hooray! Not… 

"You're up!" Sharlnark said happily as he looked at the two new people. "And Hisoka's… back… to…"

"Hi," Hisoka said to him as he gave him a wink that sent shivers down Sharlnark's spine. If he remembered his mother, she would have said to love everyone, which, mind you, is a good thing! But to an extent like Hisoka's… it just wasn't natural.

"Great," Kurotopi sighed as the people sat once more in a circle like how little kids would do when playing a game. Speaking of games…

"Okay, we've done convos, some games, etc. but can we please play _that_ game?" Sharlnark asked as everyone settled down.

"I don't even want to know," Machi hissed. She had the 'pleasure' of sitting next to Hisoka. He must have planned it, that's what she kept telling herself. So annoying…

"Oh, this one I know!" Phinx spurt out. No one wanted to what was going on in his head, except Hisoka and Nobunaga, who hadn't been here for the previous… discussion…

"What?" Nobunaga asked tiredly. No, really, if you look at his eyes, he looks like he has an even more serious sleep disorder than Feitan.

"Truth or dare, right?" Shizuku answered before Phinx had a chance to say something stupid. Quite possibly 'pin the tail on the donkey'.

"No."

"No."

"No."

"No."

"No."

"Could be amusing…"

"What's 'Truth or Dare'?" Ah yes, that was asked by none other than or little friend who has probably never taken Sex Ed. before, Phinx!

Silence…

"Okay, who DOESN'T know truth or dare?" Machi sighed as she ran a hand through her hair.

"That's not the point, the point is why not? Come on, you agreed to every _other_ game!" Sharlnark huffed.

"Actually, Feitan did," Franklin corrected him. "And he just said no to this game, so we don't have to play it."

"Feitan?" Nobunaga spat. "Why him?"

"Oh, voted on our temporary Danchou for the night. Feitan won," Shizuku informed them, pushing up her glasses.

"And I say I don't want to play that," Feitan told them.

Silence…

"So… what do we do now?" Kurotopi asked, breaking the silence.

"We should… have some fun…" Hisoka advised, looking at everyone and licking his lips. Inch away went everyone else. "As in, we should go out and kill someone… Kukuku…"

"No, Feitan wanted to play the 'kill and many people as you can' game, but then we decided it was stupid, so yeah…" Phinx sighed.

Silence

"I still want my stuff."

"I still want to know what S-E-X is."

"Does anyone have any Puff tissues?"

"I want out. I don't like him so close to me…"

"Hi Machi…"

"Why doesn't anyone want to do the stuff I do? I have my own hurt feelings too, guys…"

"Someone shut him up!"

"I agree. We should tie him to a chair, stuff something in his mouth, and let Feitan have 'fun'."

"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. Mary had a little lamb who's fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that…"

"What is she _doing_?" Nobunaga hissed to Kurotopi, who just sighed and shook his head.

"You do not want to know. In fact, you should just pretend you are going to have a seizure and go home," Kurotopi told him, knowing that many, many more disturbing and idiotic things were to come.

"What? You have something against me?" Nobunaga huffed as he scowled at cousin It.

"No, just offering friendly advice for what's to come," Kurotopi informed him as they went back watching the unfolding drama.

* * *

And now, we take an intermission!

* * *

Well, everyone gets hit with a sense of writer's block. So what better way to cure that than to give me a break! Yay! So in the meantime while I brawl over what to write, enjoy this little random piece I wrote when I was feeling psycho and out of it completely! So hooray for random insaneness!

* * *

Feitan's Toothpaste

* * *

It was three o' clock in the morning, the time where Feitan always woke up. Sure, it may still be considered dead in the night, but he made sure that he was ALWAYS up first, maybe one of the various reasons why he looks like he's in dire need of sleep. In fact, there was Nobunaga, getting READY for bed, while he, Feitan, after an hour of sleep, was ready to go for the day. Yeah, that's Feitan all right… 

"Ugh… stupid building with no source of electricity…" Feitan mumbled as he trudged to the bathroom in his tuxedo, for that was the day he and Phinx were supposedly suppose to go to the auction, ambush a bunch of meat heads, get Phinx to kill them, and then he, Feitan, will knock out the worse of the lot and take the game and be all happy-happy about it… yay…

"Ugh!" Feitan went on as he made a new hole in the wall. Actually, it was starting to look more like holes with various pieces of concrete stuck in at irregular places. Yeah, that was one for every time he walked to the bathroom in the morning, ever since they got to York Shin.

"Ugh…" Feitan moaned again as he looked at himself in the mirror. His lips formed a scowl, his hair was all aloof, but even he's got to admit, he didn't look half as bad as he thought he would in a tuxedo… In fact, he looked tones better than all the other males! Well, aside from the height problem, then they'd all go for someone like Sharlnark if he had just ditched his wardrobe, but Feitan didn't care. Why? Because Feitan didn't give the dandiest about any girl whatsoever, only the ones in great peril in his favorite book, those he cared about…

With a heavy sigh, Feitan turned on the faucet, getting freezing water, which he quickly splashed onto his face and hair, and quickly combed it out. Heh, now Feitan was SURE that he had now even surpassed Sharlnark, and maybe even Danchou! But… why was he suddenly caring about his looks _now_? Hmm… strange mysteries…

With another heavy sigh, Feitan proceeded to unscrew the toothpaste bottle, take out his toothbrush, and squeezed the bottle… nothing showed up. Feitan squeezed harder, still nothing showed up. Feitan squeezed even harder using all his Nen potential, STILL nothing came out. Then Feitan realized that Nobunaga had used the last of the toothpaste! (if Nobunaga even _used_ toothpaste…) A true crisis! Sure, he might not _look_ the type, or even _seem_ the type, but Feitan was VERY concerned about his personal hygiene, and now he was infuriated! In fact, he even wanted to use up all his blasted Nen to do that really cool move that burned everything to ashes so that Nobunaga would die, and he, Feitan would get his revenge for his lost toothpaste! And yes, the Ryodan only had ONE tube of toothpaste that they all had to share. Good thing that Danchou didn't make them share the same toothbrushes… now THAT would be a nightmare come true…

"Grr…" Feitan growled as he stomped out of the bathroom and literally kicked Nobunaga's door open.

"NOBUNAGA! GO BUY ME SOME TOOTHPASTE! AND I WANT THE MINT KIND!" Feitan screamed at the samurai-looking 'wannabe' in his opinion, but Nobunaga didn't even move the slightest.

"WAKE UP!" Feitan tried, louder this time. Still he didn't wake up. Feitan then sped over and gave him a Nen-ified punch, sending his body against the concrete walls, making several cracks, but still, STILL Nobunaga didn't wake up. Yeesh, talk about a deep sleeper…

"Grr…" Feitan growled again as he stomped out, went back to the bathroom, took out a red bucket, filled the red bucket with the iciest water that could come out of that stupid faucet, marched back to Nobunaga's room, dumped the whole bucket of water on the guy, and what happened?

"Zzzzzz…"

"WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" Feitan screamed loudly as he banged the bucket repeatedly over Nobunaga's head, acting very out of his usual self due to the fact that it WAS three in the morning, and it usually took six cups of coffee to get him into a dark and dreary mood, or as we all have come to know, the 'normal' Feitan. "**_WAKE UP!_**"

"Feitan, keep it down, I'm trying to sleep!" Kurotopi's voice interrupted Feitan's rant. Feitan cast one last grudging look at Nobunaga before he marched out of the room and down the hall to Phinx's room.

"PHINX! I NEED TOOTHPA-" Feitan started before he nearly avoided a thrown glass that had been chucked from a very angry Phinx, who clearly did not want to be disturbed. Feitan quickly closed the door as he heard the lamp fly, and tiptoed away, very, very quietly…

"Grr…" No one was waking up to buy him some toothpaste! People here at Ryodan were so mean! Wait, oh, yeah… they were 'heartless killers', duh… But Feitan wanted someone NICE here! Hmm… Shizuku was nice…

"Shizuku!" he called as he knocked on her door because he knew that stomping into other people's rooms wasn't a good way to get them to buy toothpaste.

"Wha-?" came Shizuku's face, quickly followed by a yawn and her light footsteps approaching to door. "…Feitan?" she asked, half awake as she opened the door to spot the tiny figure all dressed up while she herself was still in her nightdress.

"Shizuku, could you please do me a big favor?" Feitan pleaded her, though his voice sound as blank and bored as normal.

"Hmm? What kind?" Shizuku asked tiredly.

"Well, Nobunaga use up all the toothpaste, and I was hoping you could go buy me some?" Feitan asked her rather shyly. You don't see the master of torture and pain asking others to but him toothpaste everyday now would you?

"Hmm? Sure… wait, what did you want me to buy again?" Shizuku asked, yawning. Feitan just shook his head as he walked down the hall. "I'll get you your hairspray in the morning, Feitan!"

"Never mind!" Feitan sighed as Shizuku yawned again and closed her bedroom door. What was wrong with this Brigade! No one was willing to buy him toothpaste! With a heavy sigh, Feitan realized what he must do: go buy it himself… oh, the horror!

"…Ugh!" And now there was one less wall in the Ryodan hideout…

* * *

Please excuse the random outburst, I'm not feeling myself... 


End file.
